a journey......

I rush, I run, I dash, I’m in a hurry. Someone stops me, but I take no notice, nothing can capture my attention now. I am off on a mission, on my holy crusade, on my journey, a journey called life. One would wonder, why this sudden realisation about the journey, why is the sudden zeal. But then, you would never know that when an illusion shatters, the reality becomes clear and overwhelming. You are just left with few options, either succumb to the enormity of the reality, or try to wade out and charter your path. I chose to do the latter.

Now I am faced with the million dollar question, will I repeat the same mistake? Maybe yes. But then am I not supposed to learn from mistakes? I never know. Being the emotional fool I am, I may fall head long the same way. But that is the risk I am now willing to take. It would take a while for me to actually accept this fact. But then who said about life being easy on you? It is waiting to spring the surprises on you when you are complacent, when you are least prepared. While endless thoughts flicker across my mind, I am struggling to grasp the essence of the lesson I have been taught by life now. By far this seems to be the most important one, as it repeated itself. Guess, I am guilty of repeating the same mistake twice, of allowing someone to know you so well that they can hurt you in the most torturous way possible as they happen to know your deepest fears and darkest secrets.

I am a coward, I run away from reality preferring the solitude of illusion, of the make believe world where everything is picture perfect. I am a fool who is forever indulging in the unending deluge of emotions. I am a pessimist, hell bent on being cynical in life, in short I am a lost soul with no clear course in life. I am bound by chains of expectations.
Guess, now is the time to break free. To explore the world, to spread my wings and live life like there is no tomorrow. Now is the time to fly high without the shackles of being bound, without the burden of trusting someone, without the fear of being hurt, of being trampled upon, without the fear of your heart being torn into a thousand pieces. I am now at last free and untouchable.

Love thyself is the new mantra. I may sound self absorbed. But then I realised that at the end of the day, you are left to fend for yourself. The thing about having a shoulder to cry upon is nothing but a myth. There is no such thing as a companion for life. Nobody is going to be there when you need. The sooner we realise, the happier we are. The transition is painful though, but then not impossible. Priorities change with time, and so must we. In this present age of practicality, you are better off realising that to anyone who is close to you, you are close so long as their priority doesn’t change. The minute it does, you mysteriously vanish from their life. You become a non-existent entity. Nothing in life is worth the pain of rejection. So better off, let me start now. Its better late than never.

I now am free, an expression ironical in itself. We are never free completely from the burdens of heart. But then the illusion of freedom works wonders. The sky is my limit now, and I am all set to conquer the land, water and air…….I am finally myself