Bromance of the house husbands

House husbands....  the upcoming new breed of stay at home husbands. They are the uber metro-sexual species who are super confident in their innate masculinity. They don't mind being at home and helping out their wives. They are ok to cook, clean and wash. They are secret super chefs of the kitchen..their flair rivaling that of Gordon Ramsay  or a Sanjeev Kapoor. Now that we have established the myth..lets get down to the reality of living with them.

For a "dedicated" software employee woman in a UK shift...the time you get home after battling the night traffic is insane. Now let's not forget the transport hassle issues with the office guys. Here is where we reap the benefits of having a house husband. You have dinner cooked and ready...where your contribution would be just preparing the rotis. Never mind the cleaning part of the kitchen. For any married woman worth her salt..that's the last chore to be done before hitting the snooze button....Lets count the blessings here people.

As the days pass and weekend arrives, you can see a bromance brewing. Just as I relax with a cup of steaming hot tea and switch on the TV, in comes the neighbor who is a house husband too. Still debating the fortunate or unfortunate coincidence of his kitchen being right in front of my main door. You are now left with your hubby sympathizing and empathizing with every effort this poor soul puts in the kitchen. Never mind the wife working alongside him. .As far my husband is concerned there is a fellow husband working his ass off to help. If only we women could ever bond like that. 

On digging deeper i was awed when i realized that this is the guy who has the benefit of WFH. His wife being a teacher was sadly deprived. All said and done i had an interesting insight into the minds of these house husbands when i accidentally eavesdropped on their conversation. They talk about everything.. from politics to cooking recipes.....from sports to investment portfolios.....from kids to pets..everything under the sun is just about covered....and oh boy do they have each others backs. They don't think twice in jumping to each others rescue. It's like a bro code switch is permanently switched ON for them.

The beauty is watching this bromance brewing and unfolding. While i keep thinking of the day when there can be a true sis-code for us women...maybe its time we take a leaf and learn from the men in our lives!!!!!!

An ode to the unsung heroes

One never quite grasps the depth of influence our childhood has on our overall personality. Coz more often than not, the incidents which shaped our lives are remembered and recalled as fond memories. In this age of feminism and women empowerment, the actual essence of being a woman is lost somewhere. Today being the International Women's Day, this is an ode to those dynamic women who have helped be become what i am.

A generation of being the secondary citizens, a generation where women rights were virtually non existent, a time where they were confined behind the closed doors bound by the shackles of tradition and yet they managed to show the meaning of true empowerment through sheer grace and grit. I am indeed privileged to have such dynamic grand moms. Both women of a bygone era, both who had no claim to higher education but who were class apart. These ladies belong to the timeless classic era where they made the best of their circumstances and made a change in silent but a very significant way. 

My grand moms were different... they were those who for me are the true epitome of women empowerment. They were the rare breed of women who understood that we ladies have to stand up for each other. They did not believe in the petty dramas of every household.For them their daughters and daughter-in-laws were one and same. They pampered them equally. Nope no saas-bahu dramas for them. They were pragmatic enough to understand that to each his own. They respected the boundaries of the relationships. They spent their entire lifetime to take care of the families. They were the unseen threads binding the family together and ensuring that everyone had the space and love to grow into their individuality.

Though they were behind the scenes more often than jot, they somehow managed to play a pivotal role in bringing up their next generations with the correct values. In the days sans modern facilities, they achieved the impossible task of raising sons who respected women, and daughters who were strong minded to speak up for themselves. With changing times, they a manged to evolve beautifully. Theirs was the wise couscous which my grand fathers fell back upon time to time. They were indeed the perfect balances in an otherwise imperfect world.

They never shouted from roof tops on women empowerment and feminism. They made best with what was given to them. They never belittled or tries to pull down others. They strove to improve the lief of others. Too many are the instances where they took bold steps to ensure some misfortunate soul had a better life. these ladies were class apart. Countless are the lives whom they touched with their wisdom and love and grace. They showed through example how much more we are capable of when we strive for improving together.

And on this day, let me hope and pray that i can continue the legacy bestowed upon me by these amazing women. Of being the person who can help others in my own small way and god willing inspire them to achieve greatness. Of trying to be person who will by thought and action uplift the other women around me and not pull them down. If i can manage to change one life the way these ladies have changed countless others..i will truly consider myself blessed.

Ammamma and Bamma...wherever you are, i just hope you will be the guiding light for me and my next generations to come...

The saga of chick flicks

One of the side effects of being married in the long run include finding absolutely no time for romance. Your day becomes routine..the person whom share your life becomes part and parcel of your life..all things becoming a regular story. For a married working woman .. now life has much more twists in store..its just not enough that you face a daily soap opera at home..it manages to crop up even in your work environment. let me tell you, the much hyped work-life balance hype did not factor in the struggles of a married indian woman.

It is in this blissful world or routine that i suddenly stumbled upon a chick flick. Maybe its pure benevolent luck..or maybe the boredom of routine got to me.. i for a change spent time to watch this absolutely nonsensical but romantic in a cute sappy way  movie. While watching the movie..my heart just thumped at the right places for all those romantic dialogues being belted out non stop. Oh those soulful eyes where you find yourself drowning in....those dreamy dates and the efforts put in by the guy to impress the girl...the climax where he absolutely leaves everything to find her..the reason..she is his better half...i was like awwwwww. 

Once the movie was done i was still in that romance induced bliss when i had an earth shattering realization. This romance..this efforts..this prince charming stuff happens only in chick flicks. Someone forgot to include them in the so called macho movies. No wonder guys missed the memo and we womenfolk are left bereft and wondering as to where things went wrong. This big miss and they say women are from venus..hence they are incomprehensible. Its no surprise that while we crave for candle light dinners, moonlit walks....all they are concerned about is either cricket or the stock market. 

I reached home still in shock from the revelation and pondering how to put it in words. All hubby dearest had to say to my pre-occupied self was if i would have dinner in a gruff manner. Needless to say...point proven. While i refreshed and relaxed, he as his usual norm is heated up my dinner and served me. Being still pissed off, i was just gulping down food pondering over this miss of sappy romance, When the earth shook once more and i had another revelation. This is his way of saying that he loves me... his way of ensuring i am taken care of..of being there to serve atleast one hot meal in my otherwise hectic day. Who needs candle light dinners when he can serve you a steaming hot dinner. Who needs moonlit walks when he drops you in scorching sun. Who needs grand gestures when he is proving in simplistic means how important you are without much fanfare :P

Who knew chick flicks too can be this informative ??

Just Why??

Marriage....for a typical hindu woman...its all about sindhoor...mangalsutra...bangles...toe rings... every facet declaring it out loud...that you are married...that you are claimed....that you are bound by love of someone. When do they loose their sheen??? when do they transform from symbols of loving bond to shackles binding you? When do you just lose the faith in the one with whom you have pledged to spend your life? When do you just want to break free from the daily nightmare that your life has now become? When does life actually change from a dream to a nightmare?

Is the change because of complacency in the relation? Is it because of circumstances or is it because of the people around you? How does one fight for the most fundamental right that was supposed to be yours by the law of marriage? How does one try to accept and deal with the fact that maybe you were never a priority and always a distant option in the dynamics of relationships. To what extent are you supposed to bear the burden and hoping for a better future..and when do you decide that the correct decision would be to just let go and be free? Is letting go of things when the going gets tough the right answer at times?

Why cant the love between two people actually cannot overcome the machinations of a jealous few? Why cant the yardstick of measuring the happiness of people be the same for all the relations? Why cant the parents of the girl get the respect that is their due? Why do they always have to be treated like secondary citizens? Why is it that it should always be the girl who compromises in the most important things? Why cant we accept a utopian way of thinking and live and let live happily? Why cant the in-laws refrain from forever finding fault with the bride they bought home? Why cant they give unconditional love and support?

A lots of questions and very few answers... no clear way of navigating through the treacherous emotional minefield and arriving at a safe destination.... no yardsticks of measuring the decision making... does one need to be logical or emotional in making a decision?

The quintessential manager

It is said that evolution happens in stages. And that each stage continues for over a period of time before change inadvertently happens all over again. For me it was first the single girl, then the frenzied bride, then the blushing bride, then the new wife and now the quintessential manager. Phew… never realized that in a short span I would be subjected to these many stages of evolution.

First was the single girl with absolutely no worries. Well at that stage the biggest worries were just about looking your best. Then came the frenzied bride. At this stage it was all about getting everything ready at all times. It was all about long shopping sprees…selections…..invitations…. lunches….dinners and what not. It always revolved about making huge lists…and then ticking off every item of the list. Then was the time for the blushing bride whilst in the midst of all chaos had to always the one smiling. It was always about keeping your best foot forward no matter the inconvenience. Anything and everything that annoyed you was supposed to just brushed under. Nothing was supposed to shake off the façade of cool. Then arrived the dawn of the new wife. All the time was about learning the ropes. The likes and dislikes.. the favorite foods... the new rules. It was basically a new beginning tinged with apprehension and tad bit of homesickness.

All these stages passed away pretty quickly before the arrival of the quintessential managers. They had it bang on when they said women make better managers. Ahh the pain of managing everyone and everything around you. You are at times the master-chef at times a novice. At times the guilty and at times the juror. But most of the times you are the manager. You get a crash course in taking everything with a pinch of salt. The princess of yester years is suddenly just a plain jane. Where once you were the ruler of dominion, now you are lucky if people recognize you. Where once it was all about you, you now place everyone before you. All this we take with a smile. Managing now becomes second nature. Without a conscious thought you are ready to smoothen the ruffled feathers of those around you. You are now programmed to handle every criticism with a smile….. every praise with an indifference. Be it the newly formed relations or the ones you brought along with you, you are now forever managing everything….doing your best to ensure nothing disrupts the delicate balance. You just build a house with a stack of cards and hope to hell that a gust doesn’t blow it away.

This is the story of a girl who is now a woman….. but it’s the story that’s been repeating itself throughout the ages with little change…

Chronicles Of a Bride Part 1

One fine day thunder cracked….. lighting flashed……. God appeared before me and said, “ Balikee…. Its high time u got married…… lo behold this is ur future husband” and just like that my whole world turned topsy turvy. Now I am one of the frenzied brides in the making.

How do I describe how I feel right now? Am I in absolute ecstasy? Am I confused? Am I terrified? Am I wondrously happy? I am currently drinking a cocktail of all these feelings. While it did take me time to wrap my head around the concept that I finally found my soul mate, its yet to sink in that I am no longer single. I now have someone who will hold my hand in all those sunset n moon lit night walks….who will now lend me a shoulder to lean my head on whenever I am tired of life…. I now have someone who will vow to love me till forever…. Who will now be there by my side to share with me every second of my life…. For whom I will be the world….and who for me will be my world….. phew…. What a thought….

In all these gushy romantic feelings… there is still this uncertainty…. This confusion…. How do I get to know him….how do I understand him….. how do I know when to draw a line…. When to push? How do I let go of a life long habit of holding back and trust this person implicitly and completely…. To share with him my deepest fears….. my long locked away hopes and dreams… and still be assured that he will be there holding my hand….. and never let go? How do I switch off the conditioning of handling things on my own… and turn to him for help? After I life of a lot of what if’s how I do I take the plunge and be just me? And how did just after meeting him… he suddenly became the centre of my world? Like that missing piece of puzzle that suddenly completes my life? Like the world is now a better and much beautiful place because he is now here by my side. Lots of things… lots of thoughts going on in my head….

Then in all due wisdom… my roomie gives me this gyan…. “Relationships are like wine…. The more the time passes…. The better it tastes”. Let me hold my thoughts on this note :P

A Trip To the Seven Hills

There are things to do, and then there are things to do. One of the later was going to Tirupathy. Sweety had this mannat to go there by walk... and by default me n P.Remo were looped in. It was a tuf task finalising the schedule n all…but yo behold we managed it at last. Jan 30th was to be the D-Day and we completed all the required bookings way in advance. All set and done….. the day arrived.

Can a journey be jinxed even before it began? I for sure don’t knw….but as our trip progressed, we were pretty much convinced that yes…it was jinxed. First things first….from the minute we stepped out from our home… well we had to walk all the way to bus stop…. N ya though we managed to get the bus n reach our so called destination on time… I managed to lose sweety’s shawl. After a few tense moments…. We were all waiting for the bus. It was already 11.15 in the night. While we were pulling P.Remo’s leg that we would make him pay if we missed our bus, never in our wildest dreams did we realise that this would actually come true. Thanks to dear P.Remo’s superior logical skills, we managed to miss the bus…. It just drove by us widout even stopping. But then due credit shud also b given to him. He ran along like a man possessed…grabbed an auto…. N yo in full filmy style got the bus stopped for us. But then the sorry state was ours. We had to walk along d K.R.Puram flyover almost till the end…. Dragging along our suitcase. Phew…. D journey has not yet started….and I am already down. Bechara P.remo… had to listen to us cribbing and cursing almost throughout the journey.

As our luck would have it, we wer given the last seats in the bus. With all the bumpy ride, it was next to impossible to get even a pretence of some decent sleep. It was 5 in the morning when we got down. After an uneventful journey till Alipiri and getting our luggage placed in the cloak room, our trek to the seven hills started. My first reaction after seeing the steps leading to the 7 hills… OMG!!!!. The first 10 steps were easy…the next 15 ok types…. N then I am out. I was cramping so badly…. N it was just 50 steps that I covered. Oh noo….dis was way beyond pathetic. In d mean while I find sweety n P.Remo easily floating around. Grrrr…. Could life b more unfair I mused. Cribbing an cursing, taking a breather every 5 min… after a cup of coffee and a bottle of energy drink later, I managed to reach the Gali gopuram. While I was looking like a cat drawn through the hedges and put through a wringer, these ppl were fresh and raring to go. Ughh…its an ordeal for one’s self esteem, but then u cant even complain. All said and done, I finally managed to scale the peaks after 3 n half hrs after starting. Never mind….i was d butt of all d jokes…. And the much needed entertainment during the entire trek.

One would think that after all this, all u need is get to those rooms that we’ve booked and crash for a few minutes and then freshen up. But that seemed like a distant dream. While after roaming about diff streets we finally managed to locate the guest house, we had to face the utter idiocracy of the wardens there. Oh gosh! What a pathetic state of affairs. Since I was ready to crash any moment, Sweety and P.Remo left me at the guest house and went to resolve the issue. While I was resting, it was a good hr before they could return after knocking all the doors in d hot afternoon sun. Seriously there are times, when u wish u wer in a corruption free society. All said and done…after much un-needed ado we found the rooms and were at last able to freshen up.

After having our lunch, we went to the darshan. It was already 3 in the afternoon, and we were on move since 5.30 in the morning. With our jinxed luck , we managed to get into the wrong queue, come back again, and then search and find the rgt one. Compared to all the hurdles that we jogged rgt from the moment we started, the darshan was a relatively smooth affair. We were out by 5.30 and spent the rest of the evening taking in the sights of tirumala. It was 8 in the night by the time we reached our rooms…and I for sure crashed by 8.15. Sumwer in between sweety woke me up, but I am not sure, what it was for :P. Our P.remo roamed about till 10.30 or so.

After all this, our return journey was a smooth affair. We came down by bus this time. Went to the Govindraj Swamy temple, had our lunch and then boarded the bus back to Bangalore. Agreed the return trip was longer than anticipated, but then we managed to reach our homes in single piece.

What would I remember about this trip??? Well for sure this is one of the most jinxed trips I ever took. The amount of the physical ordeal was d 1st time high I ever faced. But then it also had its share of sweet and funny moments. The moments spent with Sweety and P.Remo memorable and funny. Thanks to them…I did finally conquer the 7 hills :P